Research shows that parents play a crucial role in their children’s sexual understanding and behavior. However, many parents underestimate their role and impact on their children’s sexual development, leading to infrequent conversations about sex. In this article, we’ll discuss:

• The significance of your role as a parent.
• The three most effective ways to talk to your teenager about sex.
• Why you might need to work on your own understanding of sexuality.

An Anchor in a New World:

The transition from childhood to adulthood can be marked by significant uncertainty and vulnerability. Puberty is the period when sexual desire and curiosity develop. Adolescents are explorative, and the world often appears in a new light to them. As a parent, you contribute to shaping your child’s self-image in the world, influencing their knowledge, attitudes, and behavior. A strong foundation of care, security, and clear values makes it easier for your child to navigate the external world. This extends to their sex life and sexual development. Numerous studies indicate that parents influence their children’s experiences and understanding of sex, impacting their sexual behavior. Despite this, studies also reveal that discussions about sex are often neglected or delegated to others. This article aims to encourage you to engage in these conversations positively, influencing your child’s health and well-being.

The Most Effective Ways to Talk to Your Teenager About Sex:

But what should you do and say? Unfortunately, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all recipe for how or when to start the conversation with your child or what words and topics it should include. The truth is, you know your child best. Some children enter puberty at 10, others at 13. You are aware of your child’s physical, emotional, and psychological development, allowing you to tailor discussions about sexuality to your child’s specific needs and developmental level. Nevertheless, research has identified effective methods for discussing sexual topics with your child.

Replace the “difficult conversation” with ongoing dialogue:

• Initiate ongoing discussions with your child/teen about sexual topics and development. It’s not about a single “difficult conversation” covering everything from sexually transmitted diseases to condoms and pregnancy risks, as many parents mistakenly believe.
• Instead, it’s about establishing a language for sexuality and consistently having conversations where information is built up over time at a pace suitable for your child. Although you guide the conversation, you create the conditions for a good dialogue together. It’s a process that takes time, so dear parents, forget about the pressure of a single conversation.
• Instead, create a warm and open space where you can exchange knowledge, thoughts, feelings, and experiences regularly. Research shows that emotionally close and open parents discussing sexual health topics have the most success in educating their children and adolescents.

Practice open and honest communication:

You’ll go the farthest with openness and honesty. Raised fingers and a lecturing tone won’t be effective. A study found that parents who openly and honestly discussed risks and benefits related to various sexual topics with their teenagers had a positive impact. This resulted in teenagers practicing safe sex more often and being less likely to experience pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases. Conversely, parents who exaggerated or dramatized negative consequences, tried to control their teenagers’ sexual behavior, and avoided open communication had teenagers engaging in riskier sexual behavior. Another study showed that the ability to communicate and meet adolescents at eye level without judgment or discouragement increases trust and the desire to discuss and engage in very intimate sexual topics.

Normalize sexual development and behavior:

Sex is a natural part of being human, affecting all aspects of life and potentially helping us stand stronger and navigate the world better. Our teenagers are vulnerable and searching and need support in the new landscape they are about to enter. In addition to ongoing conversation and open communication, you can help your teenager by normalizing sex and sexual development.

We have all been inexperienced, unknowledgeable, and new. Avoid horror scenarios and emphasize the natural and normal aspects instead. During adolescence, hormones are raging, and it’s easy to feel out of place. Assure them that they are entirely normal. This removes shame and equips them better for positive sexual experiences.

Work on your own barriers to talking openly and honestly about sex:

• When you speak openly and honestly with your teenagers about sex, you also help them build and develop a language. Many people struggle to articulate their sexuality, desires, and needs. The fourth and final piece of advice is about seeking education and guidance on how to talk to your teenager.
• You might be very uncomfortable at the thought of discussing sex with your teenagers, so you may need to work on your own understanding of sex. We know that parents expressing clear values about sex have a much greater impact on children’s values in the same regard than those who do not. Therefore, it might be necessary to work on your sexual values.
• What does sexuality mean to you? How do you define sexuality? What does it mean for you? Why is sexual development important? If you’re reading this, you’re already on the right track.

If you desire further education or guidance on talking to your teenager about sexual topics, we are ready to assist you at Sensates. See what we offer here.

Sources: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1877042815055573